Even as I wrote this I struggled with believing the words that I’m putting down on paper. When I was asked to do this blog back in August I had to postpone it because I was moving back home after a crazy 3 months. When I was asked to write the September blog I honestly wanted to decline or postpone again. Why? Because I didn’t think and I still don’t think that I have anything to give that would be uplifting, cliche or honest. However what I’ve learned through this, is that the only thing I can be is honest; even in the midst of a chaotic life where it seems like everything is out of control.
Your mind is hearing lying voices, you’re anxious about what the future holds, and
overall you’re just drained. I wish they made a manual for life. I wish people would come
alongside you and warn you about the things you don’t know. The truth is, all of us are trying to figure it out and none of us “have it all together." The best thing I could do, was openly admit, in an Instagram post, that I wasn’t okay. Anxiety and depression coerce you in to keeping your mouth shut. They convince you that remaining quiet is the better option. Obviously we know that’s a lie, but in those vulnerable moments, those lies seem so damn real. The hardest thing to do is to ask for help, but the most freeing thing you can do is admit that you need help. It is so freeing to admit that you’re not doing too hot and to acknowledge where you are RIGHT NOW.
We have so many distractions to take our attention off our internal health. I find it interesting that I will treat a runny nose or a cough quicker than my mental health. Why? Because you see a runny nose and you can hear a cough. Most of us are not trained to hear and see signs of depression. Most of us weren’t taught to hear the signs of resentment, anxiety, loneliness and offense. They are the cancers to our emotional and mental health. It took a lot for me to write this just like it took a lot for me to admit that I was drowning emotionally and mentally. I’m not a person that’s known to give up, so even in my lowest points of life, I find a way to at the very least, crawl toward the finish line. I don’t like to quit, especially when it comes to life. Even in this trying
time I’m reminded of one important thing and that’s that God is with me. As cliche as it sounds, it’s true. It’s the biggest revelation I have learned - that even in my darkest moments, my weakest moments and my dumbest decisions, God is still with me.
I have also learned that God will not override my choices. He gave me the most powerful gift and that’s the power to choose. What separates great people from those who stay down, I believe comes down to a simple choice. We choose to stay down or we can try to find the strength to keep going. Even in this moment of my life I could have declined the opportunity to share my life with you. However, I chose instead to not “bs” you and to bring you my honesty.
The greatest gift God gave me was the power to choose.
Choose to stay strong.
Choose to not give up.
But I can also choose to give up.
I can choose to stay down.
We have the power to choose.
He will never take that away.
I think in that, we can find peace and freedom.
Whether you stay down or choose to get up, the sun will still come up.
His love will never change.
In spite of our choices.
Every day is a day that we’re given new choices.
And I hope that in my choice to share this time of my life with you, that you find comfort in your own ability to choose.