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'Tis the Seasonal Depression

Let me be clear. I HATE this time of year. Absolutely hate this time of year. I am not a Christmas fan but that's a story for another blog post...actually this blog post here. But for me it's not just the holiday season. 'Tis the season for seasonal depression. This year's seasonal depression has been the worst one in years. I don't know...something about thinking you're doing better and getting reminded that severe depression isn't a cold you get over. It's a struggle that haunts you throughout your life. And like Halloween, depression usually comes with its cousin "seasonal depression" to scare the hell out of you right around the same time of year. I feel like I am getting ahead of myself. Let me paint the picture. Here I am, having a pretty decent year. Nice paying job, great kids, friends, and beginning to figure out what I want out of life...FINALLY! Plus I just finished wrapping my 3rd season of It's About DAMN Time! And yes, that is a shameless plug. Not to mention preparing for my biggest blog post of the year. Technically I should be in a good place. But it's something about when the sun goes down around 5pm and the air gets a little colder that just doesn't agree with me. Those seasonal factors take some less than positive things in life and turn them into a downward spiral that leads me into the abyss of a depressive darkness. Okay...yeah that was a bit dramatic but hey I'm writing about my raw feelings...give me a little creative license if you please. Anyway, somehow a string of events like financial struggle, concerns about growing your digital content brand, friends leaning on you for advice and comfort, future concerns about your day job and COVID, bumping heads with an ex, and learning that one of your kids is discovering the "dark passenger of depression" at an early age, just sends you spinning out of control. Honestly, in the span of a week or so, I went from my usual fun loving self to completely isolating myself from society. I'm randomly crying, laying in bed all day, ignoring my calls & texts, barely eating, and binge watching Big Bang Theory & All Rise (vastly different show...yes, but both good distractions) This sucks. I've had depression my entire adult life and this isn't my first rodeo with the seasonal depression...I mean I am 41. So why am I affected like this? Why are people worried that I don't want to live? And why do I not have an ambition to live right now. (not saying I'm suicidal...just saying I'm not as delighted to live as I should be) Truth be told, not being suicidal is actually a bit of a drag. I mean I definitely don't want to kill myself but I don't have the ambition to live...so I kinda feel stuck. Hence the reason I am in my bed. Too dark? *SIGH* Sorry, I am not trying to be. Just painting the picture. And now that I have given you all a little backstory...back to my abyss of depressive darkness. See, this is why I needed creative license. Now I don't have any tips to get out of this feeling I have. Honestly, I can't even tell you if I am ACTUALLY out of it now. What I can tell you is that...well I need to take a shower and at the very least, see some sunlight today. 3 days ago I wouldn't have said that. Or even wrote this blog post. So what got me to this side of the road...well it's a few things:

  • Fudge Covered Cookies

  • Taking time for me to just support me

  • The aforementioned TV shows

  • And ugly crying in bed all day

But what I can say that helped me the most is my support system. Granted, my phone has been and still is on DO NOT DISTURB but I have seen people attempt to reach out to me and let me know that I am not alone. That's what depression does. It makes you feel like you're the only one in the world and if you die, no one would care. Now internally I may have that debate but my support system gave me a "strong people would care" argument. What reinforced this was a quote from All Rise... "We can all do more than we think we can, but we can't do it alone..." You should have seen how I rolled my eyes when I saw that episode...heard that quote. I mean yeah, it's a dope quote and it rings true, but I hate when TV teaches me a lesson in real life that I can't argue or dispute. I was so annoyed, I looked for more cookies...but of course I was out. Sorry, I digress. My point is to remind any one who is going through it...any one who feels alone....any one that has the weight of the world on their shoulders to remember you are not alone. That and always keep fudge covered cookies in close proximity because you never know when you're gonna need them. Utilize your support. They are your family, your friends, your coworkers, hey it may be a stranger that gives you a compliment in the store while you shop for more cookies. Recognize that this season is not just hard on you and with your loved ones...you can make it through! Those are just my thoughts...right or wrong...just what I was feeling at the time!!! To connect with Jarratt, follow the links below! Website Facebook Instagram Twitter


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