Making Music Makes My Mental Matter

Growing up I witnessed things I kept inside for a long time. I experienced things that left me traumatized as a child. Those things changed who I was for a long time and it took a while for me to get back to myself. I’ve always been this shy person with a big voice, but little did I know my voice would get smaller. After my father was incarcerated I felt like I lost a part of myself. A piece of joy I didn't regain until I became an adult. This young kid who had bright dreams beyond his imagination, was suddenly trapped in dark clouds.

I spent a lot of my childhood alone. I went through a phase where I cried every single day. I resented my family for a long time because no one really took the time to see what was going on with me. In our culture, we’re taught to hold everything in and not cry or show any emotion. If you did, you were considered a punk or a sissy as my grandfather would say. I had no idea how to express what I was feeling, so it left me lost. I was always around family and friends, but felt so alone. I began cutting myself in places no one could see. I contemplated suicide on family vacations just so they could all finally see something was wrong with me.

These voices wouldn’t leave my head. They tore every single part of me until I fell to my knees. I prayed to God that he would free me from this prison before I knew the name depression. One day I was blessed with this lesson and homework assignment about poetry. As I read my first poem aloud, something inside me was shifting - I began to heal. But even then, I never knew how powerful my words were.

I have to say meeting my wife in 2013 was the best thing that EVER happened to me. She helped me realize that I had a serious problem and that I could seek help. That’s when I decided to open up to a therapist. It was the first step to my healing. Fast forward to 2018, I wrote my first official song Good Day. It was written to help people get through those really hard days. Me making music and performing has been like therapy for me. It’s gotten me through some rough storms.

I even wrote a project called Mental State, sharing part of my story and the stories of others that I know. Creating that project gave me a chance to share my story on so many different platforms and connect with others who have the same battles as me. Making Music Makes My Mental Matter because I know I’m here for a purpose and that is to pave roads for those who choose not to speak out of fear or shame. I want to create a safe place for others to share their fears, struggles, and pain, and music allows me to do that.